


The Wanking Game

by FuturePSotUS



Series: The Game of Life [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: M/M, Masturbation, Other, Pre-Slash, Sexual Experimentation, solo masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-14
Updated: 2013-01-14
Packaged: 2017-11-25 12:50:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/639089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FuturePSotUS/pseuds/FuturePSotUS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone did it. So why shouldn't he try? After putting some serious thought into it, Sherlock decides to experiment with masturbation. The results are... a lot less crack-tastic than the author originally thought they'd be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Creating the Experiment

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted as a ficlet to my RP blog, theimpossibleeccentric, on tumblr.

He decided to try it.

Studies had shown that in the UK alone, 53% of men did it at least once every seven days. In those that did so at least five times a week the risk of prostate cancer was greatly reduced. The research backing up, and expanding on, such findings seemed to grow with every new edition John’s medical journals. 

Even the very government his brother worked so diligently for recommended teens do it daily. Pedantic, but what else could one expect from men who spent the better part of their day deciding how best to screw their colleagues out of money so they could have a larger share?

Sherlock knew that John masturbated at least twice, if not three times a week. The variance seemed to directly relate to both how long it had been since he’d last had sex as well as how close it was to the last time a woman had broken up with him. For some time Sherlock had wanted to more accurately chart the relationship between those variables but he didn't hold out too much hope that his flatmate would be alright with the idea. Masturbation had so far been firmly on the list of ‘Do Not Discuss At All, Ever, Under Any Circumstance.’

With these facts, Sherlock determined he’d have to do his own research if he wanted answers. Using himself as the test subject was hardly the most scientifically accurate method however he felt confident that his superior mind would record each and every detail of his experiment accurately, no matter what state his body was in. 

So he set about defining the parameters of his study:

The goal was to discover what about the act of masturbation so enthralled the general public, to unlock the secret that captivated even those of above average intelligence such as John or Lestrade (He hadn't gotten any cases for a month after he’d walked in on the DI in his office. But Sherlock maintained his innocence in that incident. How was he to know that a locked door and closed blinds meant ‘Stay out, my pants are ‘round my ankles?’) and turned them into howling primitive messes. 

His method was simple, Sherlock would masturbate in a variety of circumstances, under the most varied conditions he could concoct, over the course of one week. At the end of his seven days the answers would surely be clear. 

With his conclusions he could better understand human behavior. The results were sure to also be useful in solving crimes of passion (Although they were the dullest type of crime, to kill for love, a cliche of the oldest measure. Lovers quarrels never proved to be more than a four. Someone in a rage always made an obvious mistake.)

Plus he was bored. While everyone else loved the ‘Season of Forgiveness’, Sherlock couldn't stand it. Suicides skyrocketed during the winter holidays while the number of all of the other, interesting, types of crimes fell. Surely a good murder, or robbery, a solid eight at least, would take place sometime in the next week? Running an experiment in the meantime was his best chance to prevent the boredom from becoming debilitating. 

First he’d need some supplies though, new notebook at the very least. Maybe John…? No he was at the surgery. Well then there was nothing for it, Sherlock would have to go out himself. Now if only he could remember where he had put his wallet…


	2. Day 1: Quickie in the Shower (The Basics)

Materials: A Shower; Two working hands and legs; liquid body wash

Procedure: Turn shower to an acceptable temperature (cold enough it will last, warm enough subject can remain submerged for an extended period), strip clothing and enter shower, wash hair and body while adjusting to the temperature, run hands along planes of body hitting the major erogenous zones (feet, back of knees, inner thighs), slowly work way to the genital region, beginning with the foreskin working dominant hand up the shaft of the penis while allowing non-dominant hand to gently massage testicles, repeat until ejaculation is complete. 

Goal: Create a base line for dullest most common form of masturbation (ranking formed upon John’s habits)

Findings: The shower provides a level of privacy necessary to focus on the task at hand. As the bathroom is traditionally a place where one is not disturbed so long as the noise level remains low (not calling attention to activities taking place). The setting is also conducive to focus, with minimal distractions and plenty of support. However, after twenty plus minutes of work (timing is inexact due to a lack of waterproof clock), I could not maintain erection or ejaculate. 

Conclusion: While this form of masturbation may be satisfying for men of average or even slightly above average (see: John Watson, see: Gregory Lestrade) intelligence, it was not enough for me to maintain mental arousal. Without added mental stimulation it was impossible to remain focused on one subject. As my mind wandered, and my focus splintered, I was completely unable to maintain an erection. Ejaculation did not occur. Further experimentation is needed however, I suspect that future trials will have to be more complex to reach the set goal.


	3. Day 2: Bedroom with Pornography (Basics with extra stimulation)

Materials: Bed; pornography; lubricant; two working hands

Procedure: Load a selection of pornography onto John’s computer Load existing pornography onto John’s computer (Mental note: Question John about presence of homosexual pornography pre-loaded and saved in an ‘invisible’ file on his laptop), remove clothing and lay vertically on the bed, while watching the ‘movie’ use dominant hand to stimulate the penis and non-dominate hand to touch testicles, continue such activity while occasionally running non-dominate along flanks and around nipples until ejaculation occurs.

Goal: Determine the effects of visual stimulation on the overall experience. 

Findings: The quality of the ‘film’ cannot be considered high, however it was adequate to keeping my attention for longer than the previous experiment. The use of lubricant, while messy, was worth the added sensation provided. Additionally, I found myself attracted more to the visual of the characters actions on the screen than the plot or they ‘acted’ out or sounds they created. The foreplay scenario did provide enough stimulation to maintain an light erection but not enough to completely hold my attention. Determined to ejaculate during this trial I ran a secondary film in my head, editing what was on screen to fit to my tastes. I found that the actual act of penetration and the subsequent close-up shots of the act stimulated me the most. Due to insufficient stimulation during the foreplay aspect of the video I did not ejaculate until nearly the end of the ‘movie.’

Conclusion: While this trial was more successful than the previous one in that I achieved both an erection as well as ejaculation I still did not maintain full mental engagement for the duration of the experiment. I was able to further define my areas of interest for future use however, and I have opened up new areas to test for the rest of the experiment.


	4. Day 3: Anal Stimulation (Basics with extra stimulation)

Materials: Bed; two working hands; lubrication

Procedure: Before beginning experiment shower and thoroughly clean body, focusing on anus and anal sphincter. Remove all clothing and get comfortable on bed. The need for anal stimulation dictates that subject should lay on their back rather than their stomach or side for best reach. Begin with basic masturbation techniques to relax the body with familiarity. Once subject has reached a comfortable level of arousal, including an erection, replace the dominant hand on erection with the non-dominant appendage (continue to stroke/pump/usual masturbatory techniques), pull knees to chest and move dominant hand to anus. Begin with slow strokes over the outside of the muscle to further relax it. Before entering, make sure to coat fingers with lubricant to prevent tearing. Once the external sphincter is fully relaxed slowly insert one finger, pumping it back and forth until room is made for a second. When two fingers are fully sheathed make slight scissoring movements to widen the cavity. Afterwards, crook fingers towards palm to locate the prostate. Continue to handle erection in correlation with anal stimulation until ejaculation occurs. 

Goal: Determine the effects of anal stimulation on the overall experience.

Findings: This form of masturbation resulted in the most successful occurrence of ejaculation yet. It required both longer preparation and clean-up than the previous trials, however this was due not only to an increased use of lubricant but also a larger presence of ejaculate. The trial itself also continued for longer than any of the previous attempts, not because of flagging interest, but due to a successful level of focus. Maintaining an erection while attempting anal penetration for the first time required more focus than any previous trial, thus preventing my mind from wandering to non-related subjects. 

Conclusion: The previous study [using pornography for reference] inferred that I have a natural preoccupation with anal stimulation which results in greater pleasure. This trial, the first to involve personal anal stimulation, confirmed this hypothesis. I was able to create and maintain an erection for the duration of the experiment and my mind did not wander due to insufficient stimulation. With possible exceptions for ‘kink’, all future experimentation should utilize some form of anal stimulation for maximum results.


	5. Day 4: Vibrating Cock Ring (Moderate)

Materials: Bed; two hands; cock ring; lubricant 

Procedure: Remove clothing and get into bed ensuring that both the cock ring and lubricant are near at hand. Lie flat on back and put cock ring in place over testicles and penis. Set alarm for twenty minutes to ensure ring does not stay in place for too long. Once ring is in place and alarm is set begin masturbation. So as not to mix variables neither porn nor anal stimulation are allowed. Therefore, while both hands may touch and fondle the penis, testicles, and perineum they may not come into contact with the anus proper. Masturbation should aim to bring orgasm as close as possible without cumming over the course of twenty minutes. At the end of twenty minutes remove cock ring while remaining flat on back and rest for a period of five to ten minutes. During this rest period hands must remain next to body and cannot touch the genitals or any other erogenous zone. At the end of the rest period the cock ring should be replaced and the process repeated for as long into the next twenty minute cycle as possible. When self-control is exhausted the ring should be removed before ejaculation to prevent retrograde ejaculation. 

Goal: Determine the effects of prolonging the time before ejaculation occurs on orgasm. 

Findings: Even without the anal stimulation that has worked well in past trials, exercising self-control created adequate tension to reach ejaculation. While the initial twenty minute masturbation period was slightly tedious, the rest period provided sufficient stimulation to make the second twenty minute round far more pleasurable. The rest period formed the most difficult section of the study so far. As I do not often practice self-denial in any part of my life, it was an especially difficult step to follow. The resulting ejaculation was not as long, and did not travel as far, as in previous trials.

Conclusion: Despite the last finding this ejaculation was one of the most pleasurable of the study as it has been completed thus far. While difficult to complete the act of resisting masturbation half-way through a trial ultimately heightened the experience. In retrospect this was the highlight of this portion of the experiment. When I touched myself again after replacing the cock ring all sensation was heightened to a nearly painful degree. Along with anal penetration, denial appears to form a large portion of my sexual proclivities.


	6. Day 5: Dildo (Moderate)

Materials: Bed; two hands; dildo of moderate width and length; lubricant 

Procedure: After thoroughly cleaning body and anus move to bedroom and lay down on bed, ensuring that lubricant in close at hand. Begin with a small bout of manual stimulation to induce low levels of arousal and relax the body’s muscles. Once a moderate level of arousal is achieved begin to slowly circle the anal ring with the dominate hand, making sure to lubricate fingers liberally, while continuing manual stimulation. Do not enter the anus until the muscle begins to expand and contract on its own at which point begin by inserting one finger and moving it with varying speeds and depths until the muscle is ready to accept a second finger. Continue this process (see Day 3: Anal Stimulation, including continued manual stimulation) until three fingers can comfortably and pleasurably move in and out of the anus. Once this point is reached generously coat the dildo with lubricant and begin to slowly introduce it the anus. Mirroring the fingering process, begin with slowly circling the anal ring before carefully working the tip into the muscle. Work to slowly push the dildo in and pull it out before inserting it again, a bit deeper with each repetition. Do not stop manual stimulation even when the dildo is fully inserted. Once the toy is fully seated pause for a moment to allow the muscles to accept the intrusion before pumping the dildo in and out, varying the speed, depth, and force of thrusts. Continue until ejaculation occurs. 

Goal: To determine the effects of large anal stimuli on orgasm. 

Findings: This trial inadvertently combined the the previous two days (anal stimulation and orgasm denial), greatly increasing the pleasure at orgasm. By concentrating on changing the speed, depth, and thrust of both my fingers and the dildo I was able to maintain concentration and prevent my mind from wandering as in days one and two of the experiment. While the process of prepping the anal muscles for a breech is slightly tedious, the reward received once the dildo is inserted makes the effort worthwhile. As seems to be the trend in this experiment the final ejaculation was more pleasurable than any in the past four days. 

Conclusion: This trial has confirmed the evidence in previous days that anal play increases my enjoyment of masturbation. The unintentional orgasm denial in today’s episode also confirmed yesterdays findings. Based on these findings another future experiment replacing a dildo with a human penis seems apt in order to judge any changes in pleasure that I feel with another human participant rather than silicone rubber.


	7. Day 6: Pie (Difficult)

The case had been dull, beyond dull really. If he hadn’t been so bored to begin with Sherlock would have told Lestrade exactly how he felt about being called for anything less than a seven. As it stood John had all but shoved his flatmate out the door when the call came, not even allowing Lestrade to repeat the details of the case (“It’ll be fun, a surprise, give him an added challenge since he won’t be able to deduce anything on the ride over”). Returning five hours later from two truly pedantic murders (young men, attempting to pledge one of their uni’s ‘secret societies’, they’d died after beating one another to a pulp to earn the final spot in the pledge class) Sherlock snorted remembering John’s words.

Only one positive thing had cum (Oh, and now he was thinking like those empty-headed rugby boys, would indignities never end?) from his outing, the inspiration for his next trial in his current experiment on masturbation.

Sally had predictably rolled her eyes upon learning that the consulting detective had never heard of American Pie. Sherlock still didn’t see what he was supposed to have missed on out by not viewing what he gathered was a typical American comedy based solely on the nations preoccupation with sex. Yet, with his current experiment at the forefront of his mind (It wasn’t as if the case deserved his attention, a two at best), he listened to the boys explain their favorite scenes. One scene, in which a grown man humped a warm apple pie on his parent’s kitchen counter, struck Sherlock. 

Since he’d discovered how much he enjoyed anal play, Sherlock had begun spending more of his free time wondering what it would feel like to include another partner in his experiment. This line of thinking had led to wondering how it would feel to penetrate someone, opposed to the penetration he’d so far very much enjoyed. Hearing the movie scene described, and viewing the scene on the cab ride home, had peaked the detectives interest. 

Day 6: Pie (Difficult) 

Materials: A flat surface; towels; one warm apple pies

Procedure: Obtain (or bake) a pie. Before beginning the experiment test the innermost pie temperature to ensure that it is not above 100° centigrade. Once the pie is sufficiently cool, while still retaining enough heat so as to enhance pleasure, place it on a flat surface such as a table keeping towels nearby for easy clean-up. Remove clothing and straddle pie. Begin by kneeling on top of the pie and manually stimulate the penis and testicles until arousal moves from the lowest end of the spectrum to the middle. At this point insert the penis slightly under the middle of the pie and begin to rut into the dish. Using the dominant hand to keep the penis in the dessert and the non-dominant hand to prevent the dish from moving, continue rutting, until ejaculation occurs. If necessary pause to readjust pie either on the table or within its dish for ease of thrust. 

Goal: To determine the pleasure to be derived from penetrating an object and simulating the “topping” portion of sex. 

Findings: While the idea of penetrating an object (or conversely a person) is both arousing and fascinating to me, this phase of the experiment was not successful. Ejaculation did not occur and before the pie had gone cold (approximately twenty minutes) I entirely lost my erection. The pie filing created a large, and sticky, mess that I found unappealing and highly un-erotic. 

Conclusion: My first mistake was to replicate something based in popular culture. My second occurred when I chose an example that Donovan and Anderson brought to my attention. While the idea showed a small amount of merit on the outside, the idea of penetrating incites some of the same feels that I receive from penetration, a pie was, in retrospect, a poor outlet for these feelings, especially for the first round of experimentation. This test has proven the least successful of the trial so far. For the final day of the experiment I will return to anal stimulation. Perhaps in the future, in addition to a multi-person experiment, I will run an experiment focused on penetrating others/other things.


	8. Day 7: Butt Plug (Difficult)

Materials: lubricant; a series of aluminium butt plugs in varying widths

Procedure: In the morning take a shower and thoroughly clean body in preparation for the day’s experiment. Manually manipulate the penis and balls until a very low level of arousal is achieved, only enough engage muscle memory and relax the the anus. Coat the smallest plug (circumference 4.75” - 12.06cm and diameter 1.51” - 3.84cm) liberally with lubricant and work it into anus until fully sheathed. Walk around room to ensure the plug is properly seated and comfortable. Get dressed and begin day. Around lunch time, nearly two and a half hours later, remove the plug and repeating the morning process replace it with the next largest (circumference 5.5”-13.97cm and diameter 1.75-4.45cm). Wear this second plug for another two and a half hours or until tea time at which point repeat the step again this time moving up to an extra large toy (circumference 6.5”-16.51cm and diameter 2-06”-5.26cm). This plug will remain seated until past dinner, four to five hours in total. When retiring for the night the last plug may be used like a dildo to stimulate the anus while manual penile stimulation occurs until ejaculation takes place. 

Goal: To determine if prolonged anal play is equally arousing as short-term play. *Secondary Goal: To the test my personal anal play limits for possible future partner experiments. 

Findings: After yesterday’s failure I found myself slightly anxious not to slip backwards again but rather to continue the trend of harder, better, but not necessarily faster orgasms that has built throughout this experiment. The use of butt plugs provided me with a constant reminder of the toy as well as my plans for the evening. In previous days I have had issues keeping my concentration on the activity but with the butt plugs throughout the entire day I thought of my nocturnal plans every time I moved quickly or stretched and contorted my body. The process of removing and inserting a large plug only served to further a growing arousal that I was then forced to keep at bay for several more hours. While the thoughts were unusual for me, knowing that I wore a plug while speaking to Lestrade and Donovan prevented gave me added pleasure. However, at one point over dinner I nearly felt compelled to tell John. I do not understand this. 

Conclusion: At the end of this experiment I have created a firm list of my sexual likes and dislikes, as well as my limits. As with every successful experiment I have also, based on my findings, developed a list of potential future experiments to run in order to add to the data collected over the course of the last week. In the final phase of this experiment, I solidified my enjoyment of penetration and delayed gratification. Over the course of the today it would also appear that I do receive some amount of enjoyment from keeping a secret from the public, although that is perhaps less surprising considering my profession. Despite it’s short duration and a few problems along the way I would qualify this experiment as a complete success and look forward to processing the data obtained from each trial.


End file.
